I grow increasingly stupid-er by the hour

Hello. Have you had a nice four days off from my ranting and raving?

I hope you did because I certainly enjoyed not suffering through my own words... Terrible.  I do feel a small pang of guilt, maybe its all internal but I still feel it..... Poop

11 Reasons exactly why I didn't write a blog when I said I would:

1. I forgot about it
2. The world was ending
3. When I'm stressed and unable to move, I eat
4. Eating takes me a very long time now days
5. I've been feeling rather terrible lately and sleep is awesome
6. Sleep is great
7. I've been trying to think of a legitimate excuse but I couldn't so I failed
8. Sleep roolz
9. Maybe you're just to dependent on me, I can't entertain/burn your eyes out forever you know
10. Cookies
11. Sleep is like "Chee Burger", in that it's really really gud

 There, feel better now that I've explained? It's not you, I promise, its alllll me.

Any way I have a lot of very exciting things to catch you all up on... Very very exciting important things...

THESE ARE A FEW OF MY HILARIOUS THINGS

PAIN

Only one short paragraph, I'm not going to go crazy complaining...But it sucks. And worse then that, I had to go back to the liquid diet for the past couple days.  I DEFINITELY hit that terrible terrible relapse on Thursday.  The ear ache was extremely painful.  My jaw was having none of my shenanigans, and my tongue was all like hellll nawwww.  The good thing is that I'm pretty much moving up in the world... I'm on the road to recovery! But for now the drugs are still my frand.

 

Seriously though, not joking. Heroin is not your frand.

My MacBook

I'm not sure that I have ever spent so much time with one piece of metal as I have this computer over the past couple of weeks. I'm about to name it something cute... Suggestions? I was thinking something like "Best Computer Ever" but I'm not super creative...

LOOK, this cat loves it's MacBook too!

Gatorade

If you haven't noticed already, I'm having a love affair with a sports drink. It's the only thing other than narcotics that has been totally constant throughout this process. I should BE a Gatorade commercial. I just bought a 120 oz container of it so LOL.

LOOK IT'S ME... minus the sweat, being outside, nice weather, and cool bottle

Fashion

Friends, I am the picture of sick clothing. This has been my outfit for the past 4 days.  Hospital socks, leggings, a pink tank top(I have 2), an Eastman sweatshirt(represent) and if I got cold, I'd put on my ever flattering Syracuse Youth Symphony Orchestra sweatpants. I know, I get it, you all want my wardrobe. BUT IT'S MINE BACK OFF.  Seriously though, I could not be any more snug.

 LOOK IT'S ME.... minus the jeans, hair, makeup, and sufficient awk-ness

Diet

I know it sounds super chique, but I'm really really not sure how people do cleanses or crash diets or whatever. This is terrible!  Although I totally get the need to lose a few pounds... This is NOT the way to do it.  I have never wanted a hamburger so badly in my entire life.  I couldn't even cry about it, like I normally do, because it hurt to much. It's literal torture. Warm applesauce, scrambled eggs, luke warm Gatorade and my mothers pure love got me through Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. My collar bones and rib cage are seeing the light of day for the first time ever... I'm not sure I love it but my modeling career is really taking off, everyone wants a 5' 7" awkward looking goofball. Thats the body type they want right?

But last night, look what I not only prepared BUT ATE

 

LOOK WHO'S HEALTHY NOW

 

Snapchat

Well, here's an example... I'm sorry

Sanity

Totally gone. I'm not sure a person could be more crazy then I am right now.  People rehab is in my near future. Example:

LOOK, THIS REALLY IS ME LOOK AT THOSE PROTRUDING COLLAR BONES

Also, in the top right corner of this picture, you will see the socks I was talking about... Hot right?

Netflix

I get the obsession now it's growing on me.  I've watched some documentaries about WWII(love that stuff) and some classics, I'm on to Great Gatsby and I'm finally starting to feel like a true member of society.  Before drugs, I had ZERO patience, but when you're in too much pain to move you really start to understand the fine art of sitting still for more then 20 minutes... Who would have thought!

Anyway those are all of the EXCITING and EXTRAORDINARY things that I was just dying to tell you all about...  You notice I had to jazz them up with pictures... That's how exciting they are.

Otherwise I'm just getting better and better, eating more and more solid food slower and slower.  Yesterday it took me about half an hour to get down three ravioli.. PROGRESS.

Tips and Tricks for all of you who haven't caught on yet:

• Freaking take your drugs. I'm serious. It's the last time I'm going to say it. I know they taste like death and there is a lingering taste of agony for about 10 minutes but they are worth it...
•  By this time if you haven't already, try sleeping in a horizontal position.  You will sleep better and at least in my experience the mucous and scab stuff won't collect as much in your mouth overnight. Gross I know sorry my bad.
• Brush your teeth a lot.  I don't know why but it really helps with general life and also I think that oral hygiene might speed things up? Maybe I'm crazy. 

 Inspiration of the day:

(I know the opera world is buzzing with this, but I almost cried I was so excited)

Opera- On its Final Note?

A Poem Written for all of you who have yet to get your tonsils out:

Maybe someday

Someday you

You will

Will see

See me

Me as

As you

Scary thought

Thought maybe

Maybe you

You would

Would stay

Stay sane

WELL JOKES ON YOU BITCHEZ